I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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