Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize