Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
