Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm passing your future prison.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
