I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
