Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He did a backflip because drugs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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