Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
