got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
