I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
