Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
