My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
