I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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