i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
