oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
