My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
