I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
