The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
