You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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