Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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