aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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