So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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