Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
