So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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