So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize