sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
