Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
