I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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