Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
