In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
