every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
