I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
