I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
