do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize