i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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