super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
