I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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