Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
