You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
