Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
