I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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