You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
