I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
