so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
