where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
