well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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