Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
