I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
