Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
