Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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