my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
