where does the pee come out of this thing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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