I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
