It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
