im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
