I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
