Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
