I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
