Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
