I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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