I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
