I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
