my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
