fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
