this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
