her vagine was all disorganized.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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