Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
