Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
