Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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