marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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