I queefed so loud it echoed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
