I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
