i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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