I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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