he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
