i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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