yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
