In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
