well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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