God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
