Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
