I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize