chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
