Porn is love you can see.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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