so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
