6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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