You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize