he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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