you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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