Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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