Kiss
Puke
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
