I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Boobs are out for the taking
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize