I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
