she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
