Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
