I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
