I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
